Out Of My Head
by rikerslynch
Summary: [RIKURT] Riker has been experiencing an unbearable head pain lately, but cannot find an explanation. When Curt, his best friend, forces him to go to the hospital, Riker leaves with a diagnosis that changes his life for the worse: he has a brain tumour. Suddenly forced to change his lifestyle, and fearing his life, Riker tells Curt how he feels, hoping to maintain health and love.
1. Chapter 1

I don't know how to describe the way I've been feeling lately. It's like everything just… Hurts. I've tried telling my mom and dad, but they don't know what to do, and they told me I was probably just burnt out from over three months of touring. So I brushed it off, just as they had, and went to sleep. I woke up halfway through the night with an unbearable throbbing pain coming from my left temple. I didn't know what to do, so I woke my brother up.

"Rocky," I whined through my tears. "Rocky, w-wake up." He didn't respond, and I realized I was whispering. I threw my phone at him, and he stirred, then sat up.

"What the hell?" He stage-whispered.

I whimpered and gripped my head in my hands. "Please don't yell," I gasped.

"Riker," Rocky frowned. "Are you alright?" I shook my head and winced, then buried my face between my knees. "I'm gonna go get you some aspirin."

"Okay," I whimpered. I waited until he came back to even lift my head, and let him practically feed the aspirin to me.

"Are you gonna be okay now?" He asked. I shrugged and then laid back down, pulling my blanket over me.

"I sure hope so."

* * *

When I woke up, Rocky was gone, and the house was quiet. I curled closer to myself, but I knew I needed to get out of bed sooner or later. I didn't know if it would be my stomach or bladder to wake me up first, but one of them eventually would. I sighed and sat up, then all but screamed as I grabbed my head.

I knew nobody was home—the house was far too quiet. I grabbed my phone from my bedside table; thankful Rocky put it back, and unlocked it. I whined at the brightness of the screen, and then quickly hit call once I found Curt's number.

"Hey-o!"

"Fuck," I winced. "Quiet. Can you come over? Please? I really, really need your help."

"Yeah; sure. What is it?"

"Please, just hurry?"

"Of course."

When Curt got to my house, I looked up, tears in my eyes. "It hurts so much, Curtie," I whined, and he felt my forehead.

"You don't have a fever… What is it?" He asked. He sat down next to me and wiped a few tears off of my face.

"It feels like my head's g-going to explode," I whined.

"You still have that headache?" He asked. During tour, I'd been getting headaches almost every night. But since I knew I couldn't cancel, I just kept going, and taking aspirin each night. I couldn't cancel on the fans, I couldn't break their hearts like that. I had to be strong.

My only remedy had been texting Curt—he'd been really helpful and nice and I needed it. I'd get the headache every damn night, and it drove me crazy. My head felt tight, like my brain was trying to explode or expand. During the last month of the tour, it just got worse, and I almost made somebody call an ambulance during one of them. But I didn't say anything. Just took a few aspirins and kept going with my day; because everyone else was already fighting their own battle.

"Riker," he said to me. "You look like you're going to throw up."

"I think… I think I am." He nodded and scooped me up into his arms, and brought me into the bathroom. He put me down in front of the toilet and started rooting through the cabinet for an aspirin. I tried to watch him for as long as I could, but the nausea was unbearable, so I turned my head to the side and threw up. I felt his hand on my back, consoling me, and I whined.

"Riker," he knelt down next to me, stroking my hair. "I'm going to take you to the hospital, alright?"

I gave a non-committal groan and leaned onto him. He helped me clean myself up a little bit, and then had to help me dress (which, at the time, wasn't embarrassing at all, but looking back it really is). He carried me to his car and laid me down in the back seat with a pillow. I curled up and slept on the way there, my head still pounding.

When I got to the hospital, they told me to sit in the waiting area, so I obliged and curled up onto a seat in the corner. I could feel my phone buzzing in my pocket but my head hurt too much to try and answer. I leaned into Curt and started to cry, and he held me through my tears. After a few minutes, I got sick of the buzzing in my pocket and answered my phone.

"Where the hell are you?" I heard my brother yelling. "Dude, you just missed—" I hung up without saying goodbye, holding my head between my hands. It started buzzing again, but this time it was Rydel.

"Riker, are you alright?" She asked softly. Much better.

"Y-Yeah," I sighed. "I'm just trying to nap. I'm staying over at Curt's for the night. Catch up on my sleep, you know?"

"Riker, Curt's house doesn't have an intercom that pages Dr. Chan. Where are you, really?"

"It's the TV. Rydel, I really gotta go, okay? I'll call you tomorrow. Love ya. Bye." I hung up and tucked my face into Curt's neck.

"It'll be alright, Rikes."

"What if it's not?" I asked, shutting my phone off. "What if I'm dying?"

"Don't think like that," he murmured, kissing my hair. "I won't let you."

"Okay," I mumbled. I sighed and he held me just a bit closer. "I'm sleepy."

"Get some rest, love. I'll wake you up later, okay?" I nodded, and curled just a bit closer to him, even though we were already touching as much as we could be. I felt safe in his arms, and there was no way I was gonna let him let me go.

* * *

When I woke, I was in a hospital bed hooked up to a bunch of wires and needles, and I immediately panicked. Curt squeezed my hand and looked over to him, and calmed almost instantly. "Am I dying?" I asked.

"Riker, stop thinking like that," he scolded me. "The doctor said he wants to take you in for an MRI." I nodded and moved over so he could crawl into the bed with me. I cuddled close to him and closed my eyes, resting my head on his chest. "You'll be okay. I have faith in that." He stroked my hair and hummed to me quietly, and I stayed as close as I possibly could throughout. I hardly even let the doctors pry me away from him for all the testing I needed done.


	2. Chapter 2

God, do I ever wish I hadn't gotten that testing done. When the doctor came into the room with the results (after what had seemed like a billion years), he had a remorseful look on his face. "I'm dying, aren't I?" I blurted.  
"Riker, stop," Curt took my hand and squeezed it.  
"You aren't dying, no," the doctor started. "However, you do have a chance of this illness being terminal."  
"What?" Curt and I both cried at the same time.  
"I'm afraid you have a brain tumour, Mr. Lynch. It's why you've been getting headaches so often."  
"Oh my god," I whispered hoarsely. This could not be happening to me. Curt wrapped his arms around me and let me cry into his chest. I didn't want to hear anything else the doctor had to say to me. "I was right," I sobbed. "I /am/ dying."  
"He didn't give you an expiration date," Curt mumbled. "I won't let you die, Rikes." I nodded and sobbed softly again. He held me for hours, until I finally fell into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up to an irritating buzzing in my pocket, and groaned. I didn't look at the contact name before answering the phone. "Wha'zzit?"  
"Riker?" My mother responded. "Honey, where are you? We went to Curt's and you weren't there." I tried so hard to contain my tears, but I just couldn't.  
"S-Sorry," I stammered. "We went out."  
"What's wrong, baby?"  
"I-Can you come see me? Just you and Rydel and Rocky?"  
"Sure, honey. Where are you?"  
"I'm in the hospital."  
"Oh, god-I'm on my way." I didn't get another word in before she hung up, and I nuzzled myself back into Curt's touch.  
"I'm so scared," I mumbled.  
"There's nothing to be afraid of," he tried to reassure me.  
"There's everything to be afraid of! I have cancer, Curt!"  
"It's not-Riker, it's not cancer. He said it would have eventually developed into cancer had we not caught it now. But we did. You can get the tumour removed and recover-"  
"What if I don't get better?"  
"Stop thinking so negatively."  
"I'm not! I'm trying to be realistic! What if I die? I'll die single and without had filling my ambition a-and I'll be leaving my family and-"  
"Stop. You're not gonna die. I won't let you. Get some rest."  
"Okay," I said, not really believing him. "Wake me up when my mum gets here." He nodded and kissed my hair, and then let me snuggle back up to him.

Sure enough, I was shaken awake by Curt the moment my mother and siblings entered the room. I sat up and rubbed my forehead, a new headache was brimming.  
"Oh, Riker," my mother cried, seeing how obviously ill I looked. She approached me and hugged me, and I buried my head in her shoulder. She held me for a few moments before pulling away, and then sat next to my bed. I hugged Rocky and Rydel before they sat down, and looked to Curt. He knew I wanted time alone with my family, so he smoothed my hair down and gave me a half smile, then left the room, closing the door for privacy.  
"Why are you here?" Rocky, the ever-curious one, was the first to speak.  
"I'm sick. Like really, actually sick. Th-the headaches... God, they aren't even half of it."  
"How do you mean?" Rydel enquired.  
"I-I..." I tried to speak, and immediately burst into tears. I buried my face into my pillow and sobbed, and soon felt myself engulfed with hugs, kisses, and words of support. After I calmed down, I mumbled into my brother's shirt: "I have a brain tumour." He gasped and pulled away, shaking his head.  
"No you don't. You're shitting me. You're fine, really! Look at you! You're— you're fine!" By then, he was crying, denying every fibre of what I had said. He sat down and put his face in his hands.  
"Wh-What's going on?" Rydel whispered. I relayed the information to her and my mother, and my mom, of course, began to cry immediately. She tried to hold herself together, but I handed her a tissue and she started to sob. Rydel hugged her, keeping her own tears in. I knew she was just saving them for later and that she would probably snap at Ross or Ryland.  
We stayed like that for a while, letting the news sink in and being upset. After a while my headache started to get worse, and I asked everyone if they could go home. As the words came out of my mouth, a sharp pain came up my spine and neck, and I froze. I curled into a ball on my side and clenched my fists and teeth. The last thing I remember before blacking out was crying out in pain.

I came to in a different room. My family was all around me, and Curt was there as well. I had more fucking wires attached to me, and my mother was as white as a sheet. Curt was holding my hand and Rocky looked murderous. Rydel was silent, sitting and crying quiet tears. I closed my eyes again, not wanting to look any longer. Curt kissed my cheek with those gentle, soft lips, and my bottom lip quivered as I opened my eyes again. "Hm?"  
"Do you remember anything?" He asked me. I shook my head. "Your name?"  
"I know that, you ass," I smiled softly. He laughed nervously and stroked my hair.  
"Okay. Well you're in a new hospital room 'cuz they think what they found is more serious. You had a seizure, though." I nodded and then turned on my side, curling in on myself.  
"I just wanna go home and die in peace," I muttered.  
"You're not dying. The tumour is benign, Riker. You can get it taken out and—"  
"And what if that gets fucked up, huh?" I yelled. "I just wanna go home!"  
"Riker, you'll just get worse."  
"I don't care."  
"Whatever." He rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to sit around and watch you die." He picked up his stuff and stormed out. I started sobbing and screaming immediately, wanting him back. He couldn't leave me. I needed him! I loved him.  
"CURT!" I screamed after him, but he didn't come back. I sobbed and screamed and fought against the grip of my family until a nurse ran in. She grabbed my arm and put a needle in the IV on my hand, and everything started to go fuzzy.  
"I want... I want Curty back. Get 'im for me, ma." My eyes crossed, then rolled back, and fell into a peaceful, drug induced sleep.

(sorry for any spacing issues, I'm writing on an iPhone Dx )


End file.
